This is probably my 18 millionth attempt to get a blog started. This blog will contain nothing in particular. You can expect a heavy dose of sports, and a little of everything else. The first post will fall in the latter category.
My niece knew I had a thought on all Nicholas Sparks books, so she asked me to share it with her. I have always had a problem with the pure drivel that Sparks writes; I don't fault the guy for making an honest living, but it just amazes me how he gets away with writing books that contain such horrible overarching messages.
Here's how every Nicholas Sparks book goes. I'll preface this by saying I have NEVER read a single Sparks book (but I have--reluctantly--seen The Notebook). A girl I used to work with read them ALL, almost as soon as they came out, and would readily offer unsolicited plot lines to anyone who would listen. It is based on these one-sided "conversations" on which I base the following theories.
Girl meets guy. We'll call him guy A. This guy is typically a kid who comes from a sketchy background, or one who doesn't really have a lot going for him. The guy very shortly will:
A) Go off to war
B) Get really sick, and need to leave town to get treatment
C) Need to return home after spending a summer somewhere close to the girl
Now, this girl hasn't known this guy for very long, but they have already been intimate. She promises him that she will NEVER forget him, she'll always be in love with him, she'll never love anyone else for as long as she lives.
Shortly after he leaves, she sleeps with someone else (guy B). Normally a guy that comes from a wealthy family, a guy that gets everything he's ever wanted. At some point in the book, guy A will talk to the girl, and say something close to the following referring to guy B:
"He doesn't really love you. He doesn't know your heart like I do. He'll never know your heart like I do, nobody will."
This line is particularly ironic, considering "her heart" forgot about him in about the same amount of time it takes a fully functioning adult to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Eventually, this love triangle that SHE HAS CREATED has to be resolved. Instead of having a shred of self-respect, both guys basically fight for her love. She ends up deciding on one guy to go with, at which point one of the following happens:
A) She chooses guy B. She immediately regrets her decision and promises guy A that they'll both share some inane activity that will always be theirs. For example: at night I'll look at the moon, and I know you will be too, and we'll secretly be in love forever.
B) She chooses guy B. She immediately regrets her decision, changes her mind, and goes with the other guy that she initally rejected. Which means she has now put guy A through the following:
1. Told that she'd NEVER love anyone else, a promise she kept for about 10 seconds
2. After being to war/sick, this guy initially loses a showdown between him and some other jabroni, who normally is a man of privilege/hasn't had to overcome anything in his life, outside of accidentally using his chilled salad fork for dessert and being repremanded for it.
Despite this girl treating him like a piece of gum on the bottom of her shoe for the better part of a year or so, HE STILL CANNOT GET OVER HER, and takes her back. This, despite having some serious, bona fide personal credentials (remember, he's been to war or recovered from a life-threatening illness) that would make several girls (ones who aren't complete self centered attention freaks) see him as a very desirable fellow.
Now, sometimes the story ends here* with this girl getting the run of the house: two guys love her, she gets to flip-flop more than the menu at IHOP, and still ends up with everything that she wants, despite not deserving a single thing. These, ladies and gentleman, are the modern-day love stories of our time.
*The one instance I know of where the story dosen't necessarily end with her making the decision between the two guys is The Notebook, where, as if she hasn't done enough already, the girl loses her memory, thereby HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO RECOLLECTION OF ALL OF THE SH*T SHE HAS PUT THIS POOR GUY THROUGH.
Someone please tell me I'm wrong.
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